If you are easily offended I would suggest that you don’t read this blog.
M.E. and sex is the last taboo subject that I haven’t covered with ME Foggy Dog since we started in 2014. Purely because it is a very personal subject. However, it is an important topic that needs to be out in the open.
Many M.E. patients have sex.
Many people in the wider public think that we don’t have sex…..not so much of a shocker. *hint* Some M.E patients have children.
Pre-M.E and during periods of remission when I am in relationships, I have enjoyed a healthy sex life, so I know what I am currently missing out on. I know there are many patients who, due to contracting M.E at a young age, have never had sex and I feel for those people who, as yet, have never experienced that level of intimacy with another human being.
Having M.E doesn’t mean a lack of sex drive. Unless we are on medication that reduces libido, our sex drive remains the same as the rest of the human population. M.E can make things tricky but it is achieveable. Obviously, hanging from chandeliers and doing wheelbarrows down the corridor are no longer possible but the natural act of sex is still possible for many of us.
I am currently single (I’ve been single for over 3 years….been sex -less for the same amount of time) and miss intimacy. A male friend of mine recently said to me that a man will only be interested if he thinks he can have sex with me. That kinda sucks for me as I have included that I have M.E in my dating profile. I got a bit sick and tired of wasting my time chatting to men for a few days and for them to ‘ghost’ me when I reveal my health is related to what I do for a living. It amazes me; they don’t know what M.E is but run away because I am not in ‘perfect’ health. I’m a catch…they would know that if they hung around long enough! Unfortunately, many men on dating sites have a tick list of sexual preferences, if sex is that high on their list of life priorities then I am definitely not for them. Compromise would be a necessity!
Let’s talk about ‘rudies’ (as a friend of mine puts it when her kids are around). Gentle is best, not too vigorous and any thoughts of an all-night marathon should vanish quickly! If anything, M.E. makes sex more intimate, slower, less frantic. We simply don’t have the energy. Men will still be able to make me see stars….my vertigo usually kicks in if my head tilts at a certain angle! I won’t say any more than – jaw ache is something to be aware off and lactic acid build-up in thighs after kneeling can be a turn-off. But there are ways around it! I’m sure Foggy’s Followers have found their own preferred techniques and manage to enjoy intimate relationships with their significant other. As with other areas of our lives, you have to work with M.E, not against it.
Yes, post-exertion malaise, occasional excruciating muscle ache, and the need to ‘walk like a cowboy’ will kick in afterward but sometimes it is soooo worth it!
Sally (and Foggy OBVIOUSLY)